What if I told you YOU COULD CHANGE YOUR FEELINGS?

When I was 10 (or something) I knew I was a pretty emotional kid. "Sensitive" my mom called me. I found a book called "Emotions: Can you trust them?" by James Dobson. I was so intrigued! Maybe some emotional freedom for me! Direction as to what I could do with my emotions! But nah. All I learned was: NOPE YOU CAN'T TRUST YOUR EMOTIONS.

Good info. But only a start.

In the last year I've been listening to Brooke Castillo's podcast - The Lifecoach School. Funny how when things get broken down into their parts, they become easier to understand. This is what Brooke has done (she calls it "the thought model"), and this is what I have learned.

Feelings come from thoughts. Thoughts come up as a reaction to our circumstances.

Pretty simple. For example, I'm walking and I see a snake. Here's the thought model.

Circumstance: I'm walking and I see a snake
Thought: It's going to bite me
Feeling: fear, anxiety
Action: Run fast
Result: escape the snake

Do you see how my thoughts about the snake caused my feelings? Imagine if "The Reptile Guy" - a local business guy here who travels from school to school with animals such as snakes, was going on that same walk.

Circumstance: He's walking and he sees a snake
Thought: Oh I wonder what kind that is!
Feeling: curiosity
Action: walk towards it
Result: gets a good view of the snake

Do you see it? Once I saw it written out like this, it was like one of Oprah's big "AHA MOMENT" deals. I get that I can't trust my emotions, but what CAN I trust, and how CAN I not be run over and constantly controlled by my emotions?

All very good questions.

Here's one way to move forward. The first step is to map your situation out just like I did. Put your thoughts in to "the model." Do you LIKE your thoughts? Do you AGREE with your thoughts? Do you LIKE your results?

We can become very practical and pro-active about our thoughts/beliefs, and therefore change our feelings, our resulting actions... and our results.

I think where I found the most freedom with this model is when it came to other people's thoughts about me. I'm pretty intuitive AND I believed that I could tell if people liked me or not, and often I felt I could tell what they were thinking and feeling. So, I'd be talking with someone, I'd think a thought about what I thought they thought, then I'd feel a feeling about their opinions (that they never even expressed) and then I'd be hurt, angry, frustrated, embarrassed, etc, etc, etc. Then I'd have to avoid that person because of what they thought about me, because if they didn't like me, well then I sure wasn't going to force them to be with me. The worst thing in the world is fake people you know, and I wasn't going to force them to be fake with me.

GAH! CRAZY MAKING!

Here's an example. I was driving to school back in the beginning of September. My son just started middle school, and they had all these arrows and directions mapped out on the parking lot, but it was crazy busy and I didn't notice the painted direction until I was half way through the parking lot and I was in the wrong spot. I then had to cross traffic, disobeying the signs, and get out of there. I was surrounded by other parents in cars, some of whom were old pro's and others who were newbies like me. So as I cut through I started thinking, "Oh man! They are so mad at me. I know NOW that I wasn't supposed to be here, but I am and I can't do anything about it. It's not my fault you know! The signs are painted on the ground - like I'm supposed to notice them when I'm trying not to hit all these kids cutting in front of me. My goodness. This school has been around for a long time you'd think they'd have a better solution than this! If this was MY school, I'd do it differently and those other parents who are so mad at me right now, need to just simmer down...." AND ON AND ON MY BRAIN RATTLED.

I got embarrassed.  My BODY STARTED SWEATING... yet not a word had passed between me and any of the other drivers in the cars. There might have been one lady who sort of hit her steering wheel in frustration at me, then again, she might have been sweetly waving good bye to her child, I don't know. I just caught the end of the motion.

So I started my thought work.

Circumstance: I just cut some people off and did an illegal move in a Christian school parking lot
Thought: Those people are so mad at me and they are judging me
Emotion: fear, embarrassed, defensive, angry, aggressive

SOOOOOO... INSERT NEW BELIEF: I have chosen to believe that I can not read people's minds. This is a recent development - only in the last year have I committed to this belief. So when I realized I was making up what others thought about me, I stopped. And this is how it changed:

Circumstance: I just cut some people off and did an illegal move in a Christian school parking lot
Thought: I don't know what people think about me.
Emotion: Neutral

ISN'T THAT AMAZING!!!!! I went from a defensive tirade against the school and all these judgmental people, to NEUTRAL!!!!

AND THIS HAPPENS LIKE 5000 TIMES A DAY! MY EMOTIONS RUN AWAY BECAUSE I DON'T QUESTION MY THOUGHTS/BELIEFS. It seems kind of clinical, but IF YOU DO IT, you will find.... FREEEEEEEDOM!!!!!!!!!

OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS. The things that bind us and hold us back are really inside our heads. My reactions to people and situations are based on what I BELIEVE about the situation. My reaction to MYSELF is based on my BELIEFS about myself.



TRY IT AND LET ME KNOW! Get out a notebook and write it out just as I did above. You can start anywhere. Think of a circumstance or feeling or action or result you are having in your life that YOU DON'T LIKE! Then think about it and fill in the rest of the blanks.

It IS work, but it's the best work I've ever done.

If you want more, go find this lady: Brooke Castillo. Over eating, over drinking, money mentality, relationships, you name it. She's helped people with it. Here's a link to her PODCAST.

DO THE WORK. EXPERIENCE THE FREEDOM!