THE URGE JAR - HOW TO GET THE BEST OUT OF YOURSELF

REMEMBER THE URGE JAR?

I didn't forget. 

I just wanted a bit more time to try it out. And I did. I think I have 5 urges in there. And 2 more urge jars popped up over the weekend because the kids asked me what I was doing. 

So Brooke Castillo came up with the idea. It's completely hers. It was originally a weight loss idea. I've made it my own. 

When we are learning a new discipline, for example, trying to stop eating jelly beans, when we get an urge to eat them but find a way to say "NO I WON'T EAT THOSE JELLY BEANS" and walk away, it doesn't FEEL like victory (even though it is) it just feels like DENIAL. It FEELS crummy. 

Which means needing to use more self discipline. Will power. Which is NOT sustainable. 

Enter the "Urge Jar." 

So I eat when I am stressed. So that means when the kids come home from school and are fighting, when I get a phone call about something that's not going well, when I look at a bill that's not been paid and I don't know where the money is going to come from, when I disagree with my husband about how to parent . . . all these things are stressful to me, and most times, I think sourdough bread, chocolate chip cookies, pop, pizza and Doritos pretty much are the answer that will solve all those feelings.. I mean.. problems. I meant problems. 

The problem is that instead of feeling, I eat. Some people drink wine. Play on their phone. Watch Netflix. Or pornography. Clean. Exercise. Whatever. We all do a lot of things because for some reason, we believe that if we ACTUALLY FEEL OUR FEELINGS, WE WILL DIE!! 

Here's how THE URGE JAR works: 

I create a protocol ahead of time. Mine is for over-eating. I'm not eating sugar and wheat. My kids are working on not yelling and hitting. 

WRITE YOUR GOAL:
me: to eat healthy
kids: use words to solve my problems not hitting or yelling

WRITE YOUR URGE:
ME: to devour sugar and wheat when I feel stress
Kids: hit, yell, push and scream

WRITE YOUR PROTOCOL:
ME: when I feel the urge to stress eat I will grab the paper. crumple it. hold it in my hand. say my feelings names and feel them and breath until the urge goes away. THEN PUT IT IN THE JAR
kids: when I want to yell I'll grab the paper, crumble it, say my feelings names and take 6 big breaths THEN PUT IT IN THE JAR

WRITE YOUR DESIRED RESULT:
ME: reach 100 unanswered urges (Brooke says 100 urges is often = 20 lbs if eating is your urge)
Kids: reach 35 unanswered urges 

The science behind it is that our brains love rewards and accumulation. So instead of surviving an urge and feeling like I just loss and used up my energy, my brain gets a signal that I have won which FEELS good. Our brains get rewarded by the satisfaction of the win and the accumulation. PLUS we are learning that we don't die when we feel our feelings and as we watch our jar fill up and we gain skill and momentum in an read that was previously SUPER CHALLENGING!

For me, the reward will be intrinsic and a healthier body and mind. For my kids, hopefully they'll have better skills in conflict, we'll have less scrapping during play times, I'll have some prize for them.. something small.. but something nonetheless. 

We learn. We grow. And instead of making choices in the moment based on whims and feelings, we make choices ahead of time that align with who we really are, what we value, and who want to become. 

YAY FOR THE URGE JAR. I love it already. 

Imagine if you could stop doing the things you really don't want to do? 

Imagine if kids in classrooms could start choosing instead of reacting?

Listen to the Life Coach school podcast with Brooke Castillo for even more in depth info.