A SMILE ISN'T THAT BIG OF A DEAL... IS IT?

A smile is no big deal. Or is it?

My kids are much friendlier than I am. They often call out "hello so and so" to people that we don't know super well. 

And I get so embarrassed for them, because so often the people look up a little startled and stutter or mutter something and keep going.

But I learn from them too. I think back to when I was a kid. I was a little hero worshiper but I was so shy. So adults or teenagers would smile at me and say hi. I'd glare at them, then go home and write in my journal, "so and so said hi to me! Oh I love them. I want to be like them when I grow up!' But in public? Poker face. 

It really mattered though. 

When people smiled at me, I could actually feel shocks in my heart and I heard messages like, "oh wow. I must be valuable for them to notice me. Oh my. I had no idea..SHOOT! DON'T SMILE BACK! DON'T LET IT SHOW HOW HAPPY THIS IS MAKING YOU DOOOOOON'T"

I'm not sure all what was going on. 

Fear. Fear of vulnerability. Fear of believing I was lovable. Lots of thing probably. 

So I'm still on the shy-ish side. Awkward often. And I love my alone time. And I understand the rules of engagement: if you smile first, I'll smile back. But not more than you smile. I might say hello. But not too excitedly. Carefully so you don't think I like you more than you like me. But definitely not full eye contact and a face full of joy for you. NOOOOOOOO... that would be.. so... extravagant. Like using your FANCY DISHES for every day. NOT TO BE DONE!

But have you ever just been smiled at by a stranger? Nothing weird is going on. No one is hitting on anyone. Just a smile. Someone is happy and they are letting it out on you. 

I heard a study about a certain hotel chain - where they had a 10 foot bubble and a 5 foot bubble. If you came within 10 feet, they would make eye contact and smile at you. If you came within 5 feet they would greet you and engage you in conversation. They taught this practice to their workers and it changed the reputation of their hotel. They even taught this protocol in certain hospitals and other businesses where they had a reputation for being rude and people hated going there. It changed the whole culture and atmosphere of these places (the guy who talked about this study also said it was hilarious to go in to these places and go back and forth between 5 and 10 feet of the staff members and watch how the staff responded... smile.. engage.. no.. back to smile. smile. engage. hahah!) 

When someone genuinely smiles at me, something ignites. 

It costs nothing to smile, but I will say I do feel vulnerable when I smile first. What if they don't smile back? But then I decided I'm going to do it anyway. What's the worst thing that can happen? Yeah, some kid might glare at you or mutter, but you don't know what it's doing to their heart. 

Sometimes I like to punish people by not looking at them or just not smiling at them. I know. So immature right. But real. Usually it's my unresolved issue and I need to work through something. But I realized NOT the inner act of choosing NOT TO SMILE ON PURPOSE actually punishes me. I GET to keep my nasty inside... and you will probably have no idea. But when I smile, if I want to be genuine, I have to let go of my judgments. And THAT is where I want to be. Able to smile at anyone. Not afraid. Not judging. 

Which is where I'm trying to get. The people who probably need my smiles the most are people who I probably have judgments about. Teenagers who are vaping and staring past me. The kid who never waves. The homeless lady. The neighbor who let their dog poop on your lawn. That mom you see every day picking up her kid that you always ignore. 

Be the Oprah of smiles. You get a smile. you get a smile. You get a smile. 

I used to think I had to save the world. I thought I had to get inside everyone else's life and fix them. How annoying for you. How exhausting for me. But if we can set sparks in each others hearts by working through our issues enough to be able to smile at ANY ONE at ANY TIME... what a world this could be. 

I'm working on my heart, so genuine smiles can come out - not depending on anyone's reaction. Not Smiling to get a smile back. I'm not looking for an exchange. I'm not trying to earn anything. I'm smiling because I'm free and full and I've just begun to understand how wonderful it is to give love away indiscriminately.