I DON'T HAVE TO AGREE WITH MY BRAIN

Do you ever find yourself in the middle of one of those days where you just wish it was time to get the kids to bed and you finally get some TIME TO YOURSELF?!!??

I was having one of those days today. My thoughts were so negative: Man the kids are annoying me. Holy cow, if one more kid is ungrateful I'm going to... I'm not their slave. Those kids are driving me nuts. Where did they come from anyway? Blah blah blah. On it went. 

I was seething. 

But I'm also doing this feeling thing (emotional health) and this thinking thing (mental health). 

So I'm all huffed and puffed up about the kids and how my life is hard and I never expected it to be like this, and if anyone knew what they were signing up for they would never do it. It's not fair. I'm tired. When will it be about me. 

And I stopped. 

And said to myself, "Seriously? THIS is going to be how you spend your life? YOU SPENT YOUR WHOLE LIFE WANTING TO BE A MOM... and NOW YOU ARE HATING THE DAYS and wishing for them to end? So ... like... what.. so you can play your fishdom game on your phone? So you can... blog ... or... do whatever important things you do every night until it's too late and then you wake up tired again the next day? SERIOUSLY?" 

I don't like it. I don't like being one place and wishing I was another place. I don't like being unhappy. Grumpy. Angry. 

Earlier today I was thinking about my brain and how it thinks stuff and tells me what to do. 

But how I don't have to do it. 

This might sound funny, but I was thinking about how I was not my brain. I am divided in to parts. I'm like a team. My brain, my heart, the ME that does things - WHO I am. They all work together. I know. I don't totally understand it either. But sometimes you just have a moment where things make sense. 

And I had a moment where I was walking my dog, listening to a podcast where someone was talking about a way of thinking that I'd like to get to, but I'm not there yet. 

And I was so aware that my heart was there, but my brain wasn't.... AND THAT I DIDN'T NEED TO LISTEN TO MY BRAIN. 

So in the middle of doing dishes and making dinner and kids are asking for different things, being who they are- My brain is whining and wah-wah-wah-ing about how things are so hard and why me and why my kids and what about the money and what about my dreams and what whatever it is I wanted to feel sorry for myself about and have this little stink party over the sink ... I STOP. 

What do I WANT to think? 

I WANT to think my kids are awesome and be gentle for them. 

What do I WANT to feel? 

I WANT to feel glad that they are here. Glad that I'm a mom. Willing to go through hard things. Glad I can be here to do the laundry and make meals and hear their stories and stop their fights. 

So I chose it. 

I CHOSE IT.

I stopped the ungrateful train. I got off, and found a different ride. 

Yes I have dreams. But there is something so powerful about embracing the day for what it is. Walking the dog and picking up poop. Making lunches. Changing your plans because something came up with the kids. Instead of resenting it, realizing, YES.. I DID sign up for this. NO... I didn't realize it would be this hard, but I'm all in. I'm all in. 

It won't always be like this. But I CHOOSE today. I CHOOSE this moment. I CHOOSE this laundry and all it represents. I CHOOSE these "interruptions" to my grande plan. 

I'm not being weird. I'm just saying "no" to resentment. Because it creeps in and gets big really fast. 

DECIDE AGAIN IN THIS MOMENT THAT THIS IS WHERE YOU WANT TO BE. All in.